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Author Topic: Overseas terrorist warning levels  (Read 2900 times)

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Offline RATHER BE FISHING

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Overseas terrorist warning levels
« on: July 13, 2011, 09:51:29 PM »
Found this... military/history buffs will find it funny- politically correct folks probably not so much. :011:



The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person


Online CMDL_GUY

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2011, 06:06:21 AM »
 :011: :054:
"Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master." - George Washington

“Remember democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet, that did not commit suicide.”   -John Adams

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Offline Skip555

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2011, 08:13:46 AM »
Quote
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 :011: :011:
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...Serving SW and West Central Fl since '84

Offline TexasTechnician

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2011, 07:27:24 PM »
LMAO  :011:

Online MooreTel

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2011, 01:34:06 PM »
Funny, but there is a wee bit of truth in there....
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Offline justbill

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2011, 05:24:12 PM »
Italian military rifles on ebay.  Never been fired, only dropped once.  :011:

Offline MacGyver

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2011, 07:59:01 PM »
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." —General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." —Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." —Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac, President of France

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." —Regis Philbin

"They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." —Argus Hamilton

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" —Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof,' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." —David Letterman

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French.

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
-I'm only here because my flux capacitor is broken.

Offline TexasTechnician

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2011, 08:56:46 PM »
Why wait for America to get to france to bail your ass out of a fight when you can be in America in four hours..... Concorde!

Online MooreTel

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2011, 10:04:56 AM »
Concorde no longer exists, and do you really want 50 million Frenchman in Texas?  If so, give me you address and I'll do my best to send you some....  :011:
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Offline Skip555

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Re: Overseas terrorist warning levels
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2011, 11:22:40 AM »
seems like Cajuns are close enough .......
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...Serving SW and West Central Fl since '84